Flowers, candy and chaos
Facebook labeling: It's complicated
By Christina Ipavec, Staff Writer
February 21, 2008 | 3 p.m.
Before the creation of Facebook, the dating world was much simpler. Today, status labeling has become another unneeded stressor that detracts from the quality of a good relationship.
I am sure there are a few of us left who remember when dating used to be so much easier than it is today. You meet someone. You get interested. You go out to a movie. You have a first kiss, and then one of you suggests being exclusive. It seems simple, except a new element has become involved in the dating game: Facebook.
For most people who use Facebook, the dating game looks like this: You meet someone. You get interested. You Facebook "friend" and stalk the person. You find out if your new "friend" is single and looking for friendship, dating, a relationship or the oh-so-vague "whatever I can get."
You probably start making judgments about your "friend" based on this information, too. For example, if the person will take whatever he or she can get, you could assume the person is not the brightest crayon in the box or just screwing around. If the person indicates that he or she is looking for friendship and dating, maybe that person isn't willing to commit to anyone for personal reasons. Whatever the response, it is clear that Facebook has created this warped world where people are judged by the limited selection of boxes they can choose from.
If the person you are cyber stalking calls you because you gave out your number already (or your "friend" found it on Facebook), you might plan a date. You go to a movie together. You probably kiss some time afterward, and you go on some more dates (if the first one went well, that is), and then after a while one of you suggests that you "Facebook" your relationship. Of course, dating can be awkward enough without the interference of the ever-intrusive Facebook in your life.
When it comes to picking a status, you have a limited number of choices: "it's complicated," "in an open relationship," "in a relationship," "engaged" or "married." The act of labeling itself can already scare people into becoming commitment-phobes (especially if they had a prior relationship that ended badly) without the help of Facebook. By creating constricting dating labels, the creators of Facebook have managed to turn the fun and mysterious dating world that used to excite us into a complicated mess that many prefer to avoid.
Now, I like Facebook as much as any other college student. I like being able to reconnect with the people I have lost touch with over the years. I like the cute bumper stickers, and I like exchanging silly messages with my friends via “The Wall.” Facebook is the answer to the networking resource we had hoped and prayed for. However, in terms of the negative characteristics of Facebook (besides the Mini-Feed, which I HATE), the relationship status section makes the list.
Facebook adds to the general discomfort that already goes hand in hand with dating someone. It can become just another stressor that contributes to the general pressure involved in a college student's life. If the relationship ends, the two people have to deal with the fall out for everyone in their respective networks to see. Let's face it: breaking up “Facebook-style” is just another reaffirmation that what you had with someone is over. In the grand scheme of things, it's really not worth it.
Facebook shouldn't be a determiner of a special relationship between two people, nor does it make the world go ‘round. Labeling makes people feel that if the other person doesn't want to declare a relationship, then all hope is lost in terms of the two people being together. The important thing to remember is that relationships happen when you don't expect them, just like friendships. They shouldn't be forced by some cyber element in your life.
Just take it easy and think about the present and be happy with what really defines you. It isn't your Facebook profile, relationship status and all that. It's all the wonderful things you are and the great things you do.
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