BLOG: Flowers, Candy and Chaos
A lesson learned in planning
By Christina Ipavec, Staff Writer
May 2, 2008 | 8 p.m.
Although planning in relationships is sometimes necessary for taking the "next step," it is better not to plan too far in advance because things can change quickly and without warning. Sometimes you can only depend on yourself when making plans, and then adapt as best as you can to change.
It has been almost six years now since the universe began playing what I think of as a cruel joke on me. It gave me everything I thought I ever wanted in the form of an awesome guy. We became acquaintances, then a couple, lovers and best friends (yes, in that order). In fact, I thought he was my soul mate. He could still very well be.
Events unfolded the way I believed they were supposed to.
Plans for the future were made, but now I know that plans are only tentative because you never know what will happen in the future. In an instant, life can change in ways you never expected it. Due to the unforeseen challenges of life, the guy who I had thought was my soul mate, is no longer beside me. His life was interrupted while mine continued. Instead, he is a hand-written letter away– letters that are screened by the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections.
It has been almost two years now that he has been away, and in that time we have grown apart to an irreparable point. It seems that I will never know what could have been and what many times I have thought should have been. The life I had dreamed of when I was 18 is gone. I find it rather bittersweet. I think that he was the only guy who ever knew the "real" me.
If I acted like a dork around him, it was all right. He laughed at me, and I giggled back. Sometimes I said stupid things on purpose, and he made fun of me. Over time, I came to love it. However, there were times when I called him out on his stupidity as well. Then there were the times when we would be at his house, sitting on the couch, watching a movie and his cat would be curled up at our feet. During times like these, it was as if we were older, married and living together. I didn't mind at all. There is something comforting about experiencing the kind of life you plan.
However, I have changed so much since then that I don't see in myself who I used to be. I have grown in knowledge and experience. I know now that making plans is like writing the rough draft of a paper– it's not the final product, and you might have to make changes. In some cases, you may have to just throw out the whole concept and begin fresh. Evidently, I have done the latter of the two.
Of course it took a while to realize, but maybe the meaning of that experience was to teach me the valuable lesson that you can only depend on yourself when making plans because it is uncertain what the other person might do. At the end of the day, I believe I am a stronger person because I have learned early that sometimes life throws things at you that you don't expect. The best you can do is rely on yourself when making plans for the future, and then adapt the best you can to change when it happens.
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