Go green with envy over these famous Patricks
Speakeasy playlist
By Nick Knittel, Contributor
March 17, 2008 | noon
St. Patrick’s Day is not known in Hollywood. It is located in that dead zone between Valentine’s Day and Easter, where people get drunk not out of joy or sadness, but due to necessity and at the very least, boredom.
St. Patrick’s Day is not a holiday in which the family gathers around a fancy meal, sharing angst and neurosis with a plethora of themed songs streaming through the air, slowly driving everyone insane like Christmas.
Nor is St. Patrick's Day the backdrop of high school drama a la Valentine's Day in which the nerdy kid vies for the affections of some gorgeous creature who he would never, ever get in real life, but instead, he is turned down and left with crippling issues for the rest of his life. No no, it is nothing, unless you are Irish, in which case you are looked at with jealousy over your accent but little else.
St. Patrick’s Day consists of two things: green beer and, well, green-ness. But there is that name – Patrick. And with that, Speakeasy is proud to present the Patrick playlist, celebrating the only thing St. Patrick has going for him – a cool name – and five actors and characters who share it.
5. Patrick Swayze
So, he has cancer now, which is sad. Long ago, when we still thought he was immortal, Swayze owned the '80s with “The Outsiders," “Red Dawn,” “Dirty Dancing” and ending the streak with a little something called “Ghost." The man was responsible for hundredfold surges in both dancing and pottery classes by the end of that decade, and though his work in recent times has slowed, the years have been good to him – minus the cancer stuff. For epic manliness and none of that “I love you lots even though I’m dead” crap, "Road House" is necessary viewing for a multifaceted character study of the B-movie variety. In other words, shit blows up, people say witty one-liners (“Pain don’t hurt”), and Swayze teaches us what a degree in philosophy is really for – justifying the smackdown.
4. Peppermint Patty
You thought this was going to be a sausage fest, huh? I suppose that depends on your view of Peppermint Patty from "Peanuts.” Is she a lesbian? Is she bi-curious? Why does she really keep Marcy around anyway? Sexual curiosity aside, she is also kind of a bitch. Patty is the epitome of the tomboyish girl with a first crush. The only way she knows how to demonstrate this emotion is through pain and dominance. While later in life we would learn that this was commonly known as a “fetish," grade school was different, and we instead associated her with hiding. Charlie Brown was not so lucky. Patty’s fascination with Chuck and his shiny baldhead was only outmatched by her tendency to sleep through class and appear oblivious to the smaller matters of life. But whatever, she is in the D- Hall of Fame at school and obviously, we are not.
3. Patrick Bateman
Bateman is a man of many things. He is handsome, affluent and well-educated, with encyclopedic knowledge of designers and products that would put many sorority girls to shame. Oh yeah, he also kills people. Frequently. With great abandon. Originally from the book “American Psycho” by Bret Easton Ellis, Patrick Bateman is perhaps more well-known by Christian Bale, who brought the psychotic character to life in the 2000 film by the same name. Bateman is close to a mishmash of every over-the-top killer trait imaginable, as he chases women down hallways with chainsaws or axes others in the face, but it is the way he does it that has so much more, well, finesse. He is willing to give you extensive background information about his favorite bands right before viciously gutting his victims, or taking the time to hunt you down while naked, which makes him so much more personable. He really wants, no, needs to kill you, and how many of us have ever really been needed before?
2. Patricia Clarkson
Known for her memorable role on television's “Six Feet Under” as the hippie artist Sarah O’Connor and also for the films “Lars and the Real Girl” and “The Station Agent," Clarkson has been in the business for twenty years but has only recently been getting the attention she deserves. She’s a remarkably gifted actress, and it was her role in "The Station Agent" that earned her praise from critics and more importantly, dwarves (similar to leprechauns, perhaps?) from across the land. She is often found in those indie movies that few people discover (the bastards) even though they should, but her upcoming appearance in Martin Scorsese’s “Shutter Island” opposite Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo should help get her the exposure she needs to match her talent.
1. Pat Morita
Known to many as simply Mr. Miyagi, Pat Morita is a beast. Not only did he used to have a mean case of spinal tuberculosis that crippled him throughout his childhood, he was also, get this, a comedian with the nickname of “The Hip Nip” who performed in bars and clubs across California. To those of us with dreams of being a ninja warrior, Morita was required viewing throughout childhood, and his turn as Miyagi in “The Karate Kid” and the seemingly endless sequels released afterward taught us that the man is a god. And then he died a couple of years ago, which ended that thought. He still lives on through tattered copies of the movie, as well as the many more he did afterward including the amazing “Mystery Files of Shelby Woo," which played on Nickelodeon back in the day. Morita is gone by not forgotten. And he can kick ass.
By now, the special batch of green beer has been drained and that ever-elusive hangover is setting in, but we should all remember to give thanks to our Patrick's.
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Crave more St. Patty viral videos? Click here for a surprising leprechaun clip.