Speakeasy film playlist
Celebrate Mother’s Day with film
By Nick Knittel, Contributor
May 10, 2008 | noon
Mothers play a number of different roles in our lives. They can be supportive and caring, giving out love as well as advice whenever necessary. Judging by our previous Mom’s Weekends, they can also be the key to every child’s vice. After all, there is nothing like pounding back shots with the woman who birthed you.
But, like with many emotions that people would rather avoid than talk about, there is no better way to say, “I love you, Mom” than with somebody else’s words. So let’s celebrate a few standout moms from film and TV and examine that special bond between mother and child.
7. Bambi’s Mother from "Bambi"
The great thing about “Bambi” is how it almost unilaterally scars any child that watches it. If YouTube can be taken into any kind of scientific consideration, the hundred or so remixed videos with songs like Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” and whatever this is, it is pretty clear that there are plenty of adults who still cannot get over a dead deer. It is like reading “Harry Potter” fan fiction, where it is kinda cute at first, and then you get to your first awkwardly written sex scene between Harry and Moaning Myrtle and wonder how you got from point A to point B. It has been over 60 years, so let’s put down the pints of Ben & Jerry’s and move on.
6. Joan Crawford from "Mommy Dearest"
John Waters calls “Mommy Dearest” “The first comedy about child abuse,” and while it is unclear exactly how many films are jockeying for that coveted second and third place title, he has a point. “Mommy Dearest” plays like a Lifetime movie director’s wet dream complete with disturbing family relations, psychological trauma and people getting beaten with clothes hangers. With all of the remixed films making their way through the Internet these days, this is the one film that begs to be given the sitcom treatment, re-edited with a laugh track, commercial breaks and season-long character arcs. If only more mothers were this entertaining.
5. Lucille Bluth from "Arrested Development"
Perhaps this is the other example of hysterical child abuse. If you are one of the five people in the world who have never seen an episode of “Arrested Development,” it is time to seriously re-evaluate your life. Not only is it one of the best TV shows to ever air, but it is also responsible for the creation of one Lucille Bluth, a person who is at once Godzilla, a teddy bear and a full bottle of whiskey blended together. Despite the fearsome might of such a creature like the Whisk-Zilla-Bear, Lucille is also the grandest example of how love can tie any family together. At least in theory.
4. Ripley/The Alien Queen from Aliens "Alien: Resurrection"
If you really dig into “Aliens,” there is some sad shit going on. They are living creatures, just like any other animal, and all they want to do is just live in peace. It is not their fault that the only way they can reproduce is by bursting out of other people’s chests, and sure, they get a little hungry now and then and eat a couple dozen people in one sitting, but that’s life, man. Life’s a mysterious force. The “Alien” series is a wonderful example of how beautiful love can be as it crosses species (and not in a kind of way), like when the Alien Queen furiously protects her babies from harm as any mother should by slaughtering humans one after another. Even the sloppy kiss between Ripley and her cloned alien offspring seems to produce sighs of understanding, right before it is sucked out a hole the size of a nickel into space. Such love, such passion, such beauty. More films need this kind of raw emotion.
3. Mrs. Doubtfire from "Mrs. Doubtfire"
Robin Williams is indeed a man, yet “Mrs. Doubtfire” proved what has been abundantly clear since the dawn of time: people find dressing in drag hysterical. Doubly funny is the elderly. Put them together, and you have what amounts to a cultural sensation. Here, mother has been replaced with grandmother-in-disguise, an idea that completely validates any grandparent suspicions one may have had growing up. Even the plot reads like a horror movie. All you need is to add “abusive” before the first character description, and suddenly an evil father is disguising himself to move in and “watch” over his kids while his ex-wife has no idea…that is juicy. Let’s mark this as a potential third abuse comedy.
2. Norma Bates from "Psycho"
Everybody knows Norman Bates. Everybody knows the shower scene. And unless you've missed any horror/slasher movies in the past few decades, you know the fate of Norma Bates. The old girl’s death (spoiler) has been the subject of parody after parody, much like every other aspect of this famous film, it and just goes to show that even in the ground (or partially mummified in a rocking chair, rather) mothers still have influence over their children. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
1. Everything in "Ma Mére"
This whole film could be summarized by these quotes from “Ma Mére’s" Wikipedia page in what amounts to possibly the greatest film summary ever written:
“Soon after this, Pierre finds a closet full of his father's pornography. His reaction is to furiously masturbate and then to urinate on the magazine pages. However, there are several far more shocking surprises in store for pious Pierre."
“Hélène and Pierre greet each other by chatting and gazing into each other's eyes like lovers while Hansi looks on jealously. Finally, Hélène invites her son to sleep with her. He agrees."
“Inexplicably, Hélène’s first act is to slowly cut the lower, right side of her abdomen with a small knife. Hélène then guides her son’s left hand to the wound. He gently massages it, smearing blood on her abdomen."
“We hear a faint slicing sound and Hélène seems to gasp in pain as her head slumps forward. Pierre, apparently unaware, continues masturbating. The scene abruptly ends here.”
Sounds like Mother’s Day to me.
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