Sports : Football

The Campus Sports Guy

The Campussportsguyzies

By Corey Ryan, Sports Editor
   
August 28, 2007 | 6:38 p.m.

Since the dawn of time, man has been doing award shows. Now, it’s my turn.

It isn’t D-Day quite yet, but it is D-Week, which means this Saturday will be the first of many that I spend wasting away on the futon watching countless hours of college football. 

From noon to sometimes eleven at night, I’ll watch at least one and a half and possibly three games of college football per Saturday, not including the Thursday night game, which I use as a crucial Thursday night pre-going out event.

I may not have played football at Ohio State and I haven’t been traveling the country to visit summer practices of any of the programs in the country, though I thought about going to Peden a couple of times, but it was too damn hot.

However, I did watch a lot of football last year and I am reasonably intelligent, which is why I am doing this first ever Campussportsguzies Awards.

Also, this is my list. These are my choices and everyone with an ounce of collegiate football knowledge should agree because unlike Herbstreit, there is no second guessing the Campus Sports Guy. 

So here we go, the first ever Campussportsguzies Awards:

Most Likely To Be At the Heisman Award Ceremony:

  1. Darren McFadden, Arkansas – He’s a beast who will win with brutal tactics and intimidation if need be. Most notably, he’s the featured offensive weapon on his team, which also has a back, Felix Jones, to spell him. Unlike Carnell Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown at Auburn a few years back, this will still be a one man show. If he doesn’t pull an Adrian Peterson, he’ll dominate the sport, leaving the Dallas Cowboys in prime position to draft him with that pick they traded for last year.
  2. John David Booty, Southern California – The best team’s quarterback is always a front runner, especially since he’ll get to light up the weak Pac-10 and a weak Notre Dame team. However, don’t be fooled. He’s no Matt Leinart or Carson Palmer, though it pains me to credit a Bengal. He’s Jason White.
  3. Colt Brennan, Hawaii – If he puts up numbers like he did last season, 5,549 passing yards on top of 58 passing touchdowns and a 185.96 passer rating, he’ll get an invite, but don’t expect him to win. This is a two man race.
  4. Kalvin McRae, Ohio – This will not happen, but the dude is the front runner to win Mid-American Conference player of the year. If he doesn’t get hurt and the offensive line stays healthy, look for McRae to not be as statistically successful as Garrett Wolfe, but more successful come Draft Day.

 

Most Likely To Be Pissed Off About Not Being At the Heisman Ceremony:

  1. Pat White and Steve Slaton, West Virginia – They’ll split votes like Leinart and Reggie Bush used to do, but these two aren’t as good. Plus, they are in West Virginia not Southern California. Sorry Pat, you just don’t have the dreamy Hollywood look that Leinart had to seduce voters like Charles Woodson or Desmond Howard.
  2. Ray Rice, Rutgers – It’ll be the Big Least this year and voters will notice those padded stats. I also have him as the front runner in the most likely to pull an Adrian Peterson and have a freak injury category.
  3. Jimmy Clausen, Notre Dame – I don’t know how upset he’ll be, but Notre Dame fans expect three of these trophies from him. He’ll just be upset that he didn’t go to USC, where all quarterbacks get Heisman Ceremony invites. He’ll go from the bench to his back this year.

 

Sports Illustrated Called This "The Year of the Running Back," Here Are The Best:

  1. Darren McFadden
  2. Ray Rice
  3. Mike Hart, Michigan – Although it pains me to say this, I’m horrified of this guy come mid-November. I expect to have nightmares of Chris Perry 2003 at Ann Arbor interrupting my sleep the week before the game day because this guy could ruin the Ohio State season.
  4. The infinite supply of USC Running Backs, Southern California -- I have no idea how good these guys are, but everyone else is hyping them up so I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon. I know USC will be good because I watched there last three games and they didn't lose anyone at running back.
  5. Beanie Wells, Ohio State – I’m a homer, yes, but this guy is big, fast and the offense is going to revolve around him this year. As long as he can hang on to the ball, look for the big guy to put up some big numbers.
  6. Ian Johnson, Boise State – He scored the winning points on one of the greatest plays in college football history and then proposed to that hot cheerleader after. The only way to have made that moment more studly was if she wasn’t his girlfriend and if she would have been an Oklahoma cheerleader. Of course she would have had to still said yes.
  7. Steve Slaton/Pat White – They’ll combine for the best numbers and they’ll win a lot of ball games. I just don’t like them in my specific lists because they are really the same player cloned, which I think is more unfair than the NBA Finals last year with all of those pro-San Antonio referees giving the Spurs the trophy because a bookie was threatening to break their knee caps. This happened and no one can convince me otherwise.

 

Best Quarterbacks – Jason White Category:

  1. John David Booty
  2. Colt Brennan
  3. Colt McCoy, Texas – This guy could be good, but will be good because the Longhorns play a Big 12 Pansy schedule which will only challenge them against a Oklahoma who is on a down year.
  4. Pat White/Steve Slaton – Maybe they’ll be at the Heisman ceremony, but it’s only because of their inevitably inflated stats. I again grouped them together because I'm convinced they are clones. Sidenote, if they would have been undefeated last year, earning a BCS bid, they would have been smoked by any team that doesn’t rhyme with Notre Lame.

 

Best Quarterbacks – Peyton Manning Category:

  1. Brian Brohm, Louisville – I saw him make every throw in the book and he just looks like a pro quarterback. Unfortunately, I also thought the same things about Tim Couch in 1998.
  2. Matt Ryan, Boston College – Obviously we share a last name and we both have two first names, but this guy has that something special that will translate into the NFL.
  3. Dan LeFevour, Central Michigan – Bobcat fans got a good look at this guy in the MAC Championship thrashing last year. This kid is good. Not Charlie Frye good, but more like Chad Pennington good. That means he’s good enough to win in the NFL.
  4. Theo Scott, Ohio – This is wishful thinking comparable to those who think McDavis leaving will make the university perfect . I just want him to start after week two to give me a reason to want to go to the games. Maybe it isn’t so far-fetched to put him here. He is a Joshua Cribbs clone and guess what league Cribbs plays in now?

 

These Defenses Would Scare Michael Myers, but not the Canadian Comedian from Austen Powers, the Serial Killer from Halloween, Which Looks Like a Sweet Remake By Rob Zombie, Who I Like as a Film Maker Despite Not Liking Heavy Metal:

  1. Louisiana State – This was no fluke against Notre Dame and the majority of the Southeastern Conference. The Tigers are that good. There front seven is fast. Despite losing their entire secondary to graduation, their secondary is expected to not skip a beat.
  2. Southern California – The defense carried them last year and they’ll dominate a down year in a down conference. They are fast and now they are experienced
  3. Ohio State – I have a case of Laurinaitis, there is no doubting that. Plus, they’ll dominate the MAC non-conference schedule while Beanie Wells will run the clock, allowing the unit to rest.

 

Finally Got a Piece of the Pie: Teams That Are Moving On Up:

  1. Alabama – Nick Saban is a freak who probably doesn’t sleep, eat or have sex from the month of July until January.
  2. Virginia – I watched them at the end of last season and they looked good enough to win their conference. Playing in the ACC also helps.
  3. Purdue – This is everyone’s Big Ten sleeper and I have to agree. Every third year Purdue is special and this is that third year.
  4. Wisconsin – I watch a lot of Big Ten Football.
  5. Illinois – They almost beat the Bucks last year. I wanted Juice to transfer to one of the Ohio teams. Plus, I mainly watch Big Ten football.

 

They’re Going Down Like Paris Hilton While Being Filmed With a Night Vision Camera:

  1. Notre Dame – Kudos to the Dame for playing a tough schedule. I’m not exaggerating that either: Penn State, USC, Michigan, Georgia Tech will all be big time losses. Finally I won’t have to listen to Irish fans talk about how they are College Football University. If only Cincinnati would get hit by a freak tornado. That would be the perfect combination known as the jackpot.
  2. Wake Forest – Back to the pits of the ACC you creepy Demon Deacons.
  3. Rutgers – One of the elite running backs will get hurt this year and Ray Rice will be on the field more for his team than any other elite running back.
  4. Miami – They were already down, but I don’t see things getting better. I fully expect them to get in a knife fight this year.

 

Conference Picks

ACC – Boston College over Virginia Tech in the championship game because I like Matt Ryan and I want to be different from Herbstreit. Honestly, I don’t watch the ACC because it is a weaker conference, unless they play a Thursday night game or Ohio University, which the Hokies do.

 

Big East – Louisville will not skip a beat in the post-Petrino era. Brohm will light it up and the Cardinals will be in the BCS.

 

Big Ten – Ohio State will win this conference. I’m not trying to be a homer, I’m trying to be bold with this pick, but I am actually starting to believe it. I think the defense is going to be real good when the conference schedule starts and I think the offense will mature by that time. They’ll win a bunch of games by the skin of their teeth, similar to 2002.

 

Big 12 – Oklahoma over Missouri because I think the Sooners are better than the Longhorns and I think every team in the Big 12 South may be better than every team in the Big 12 North. Neither division is that strong.

 

Pac-10 – Southern California will win this and will be in the National Championship. I may be bold, but I’m not an idiot.

 

SEC – If Matt Flynn can be an adequate quarterback who doesn’t make mistakes, then LSU will win the SEC West. I’ll take them over the ole’ ball coach in the championship game because I think this South Carolina team is going to turn some heads in Spurrier’s third year.

 

MAC – Here it is, the moment you have all been waiting for. After a few weeks of deliberating, looking around MAC web sites and recalling games from last year, I’m willing to pick the Bobcats to repeat as MAC East Champs! I’m not as optimistic in that MAC Championship game because I think Western Michigan’s defense is going to be good, real good. I also expect Bowling Green, I liked their younger quarterback from last year, and Central Michigan, I have already stated I like their quarterback, will be in the mix. Kent State supposedly has a real good defense, but I’ll have to see it to believe it.

Despite all of these possibilities, I don't think the MAC is any good. Last year the conference was awful and I don't see much improvement in one year. So at least we have that going for us from the end of September through November. I guess that's why God invented televisions, futons and beers.